DEFINE ME!!!

The Real Definition of Words When Used By Women:

1. Fine - I am right. This argument is over. You need to shut up.
   
   
2. That's Okay - One of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. "That's okay" means she wants to think hard and long before deciding when and how you'll pay for your mistake.
   
   
3. Nothing - The calm before the storm. This means "Something" and you better be on your toes. Note: Arguments that start with "Nothing" usually end with "Fine" (See #1).
   
   
4. Five Minutes - If getting dress, this means half an hour. (Don't be mad about this. It's the same definition for you when it's your turn to do some chores around the house.
   
   
5. Thanks - A woman is thanking you. Do not question this or faint. Just say, "You're welcome," and let it go.
   
   
6. Loud Sigh - Not actually a word but rather a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. It means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is standing here wasting her time arguing with you about "Nothing." (See #3)
   
   
7. Go Ahead - This is a dare, not permission. (Don't Do It!)
   
   
8. Don't worry about it, I got it - The second most dangerous statement a woman can make. It means that a woman has asked a man several times to do something and is now doing it herself. (This will result in you asking at a later date, "What's wrong?" For the woman's response, see #3.)

9. Whatever - is a woman saying &^%*$ you!

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

Yes............means.......................No.
No...............means.....................Yes.
Maybe...........means...................No
We need..........means................I want.
We need to talk......means.........You're in trouble.
Sure, go ahead......means.........You better not.
Do what you want....means.......You will pay for this later.

I am not upset.........means..........Of course, I am upset, you moron!
You're attentive tonight....means......Is sex all you ever think about?

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DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:

I am hungry.........means............I am hungry.
I am sleepy........means..............I am sleepy.
I am tired..........means...............I am tired.
Nice dress........means...............Nice cleavage!
I love you.........means...............Let's have sex now.
I am bored..........means.............Do you want to have sex?
May I have this dance?....means......I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I call you sometime?...means....I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I take you to a movie?...means.....I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I take you to dinner?...means....I'd like to have sex with you.
Those shoes do not go with that outfit......means.......I'm gay.